Kat's Health Journey

SUNDAY I chose a salad today. It doesn’t sound like much, but I really wanted something sugary and/or full of carbs, but I didn’t do it. To satisfy my sweet tooth, I ended up getting apple slices and that definitely helped. I don’t know if I mentioned this in my previous post, but I am hoping to make it to the 100s by March 18. My family is going on a cruise and every time I have a vacation, I always say to myself beforehand that I will take that opportunity to use it as motivation. It has never worked in the past and the last time I went on vacation, I was 242 pounds. I didn’t like being in photos because, truth be told, I was (and still am to an extent) afraid to see just how big I was. Shorts didn’t really fit me unless I wanted to bump up even another size. That would put me at a size 20 and felt like losing to me. It was like a whole other level of shame. I was in denial. So mostly, I wore leggings or yoga pants. I hated taking my outer clothes off to go swimming because my

Casually forgetting to write in here for over a month. So much has happened, yet I feel like I am still at a standstill in terms of my diet journey. If anything, habits have gone even more downhill. I don't want to dwell too much on what has already happened, so here's a quick summary: I've been staying pretty consistent at 217. Eating habits are fluctuating and I need to ground myself again and find that motivation/determination that I had when I started those months back. Recently, I discovered this Carb Count Breyer's ice cream. It's dangerous territory. Chocolate ice cream. 9 carbs per 1/2 cup. I've been having a freaking ice cream party every night, with sprinkles and whipped cream. Except then it turned into getting regular ice cream. I just ate like half a cup out of the tub before I threw it out because I knew it was a bad decision. Good news: I will never make that mistake again. Bad news: so much ice cream. I can't seem to get my mojo back. C

Well, friends, it's been a tough month. Riddled with anxiety/stress. I have to move homes again, but the last place fell through and I already told my landlord I was moving, so I am under pressure to find a place fast. I have school, which I am letting slip. I can feel it, but I do nothing about it. This semester is SO close to being over. I just need to get past this. Then I continued to lose weight without trying and I got scared. Hypochondria took hold deep within my gut, and I convinced myself something fatal was wrong with me. I was eating donut holes and pizza and still losing weight. I made a doctor's appointment but it was 5 days away. I sat in a depressive slide where I let my chores and even hygiene (hair washing, nothing gross) go longer than I should. I got an extension for math and still did nothing about it. I have a retake for a Chemistry test, and I watched Netflix. It's like my ambition shut down. Everything shut down except that clench in my chest and hype

Life has been crazy. Since starting my new med of Metformin, I have noticed some extra symptoms of anxiety. Heart palpitations, paranoia, etc. But it doesn't help that my schedule is super full right now and it simply doesn't leave a ton of time for just unwinding and, well, containing my anxiety. I have my second Chemistry exam in a week that I am sorely unprepared for, my lab practical 2 days after that, I had to cram an ungodly amount of Algebra homework last night, Equine Affaire/the breed demo, and riding Seamus daily. Oh, and moving. Even though it's just down a level, it's surprisingly difficult and all of my furniture is impossibly heavy. Then there's all of the repainting... A lot of my workload is elected. I don't have to move or participate in the Equine Affaire. Those are things I want to do, but with everything else on my plate, it's just added stressors. I had a full-on breakdown in one of the Shire stalls a few days ago because at first I

Welcome to the world of living with anxiety and hypochondria.  I am losing weight, and not even trying hard. (I know, I suck.) I am not depriving myself at all. Mind you, I still am aware of carbs and try to have low carb options when I can. But I have a munchkin or 2 (or 5...) when I feel like it. I have my regular sugary coffee (although with 1 pump instead of the normal 3). I eat bread in a limited amount. I have some mac n cheese when I feel like it. I rarely settle for salads anymore because, well, I don't like them. For a month, I stayed the same. I am now losing weight more than I was when I was trying. And it must mean I have some sort of cancer or illness that I am unaware of because it cannot just be this simple. The only changes I can think of are cutting out the Atkins snacks, which are higher in carb than they advertise. I also am not consuming as much synthetic sweetener. Instead of having Sweet N' Low in my coffee, I have a single pump of the real stuff. I

I have no excuse for not writing regularly. It seems like I’m either not busy enough and don’t have anything to say or I have so much going on that it gets overwhelming and I have no time to write.  I guess I’ll start with my current schedule. I am now working one of the Shires at the draft barn along with a friend of mine, and we are going to be riding in the Equine Affaire! For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a horse festival located in West Springfield, MA. Pretty much every horse person I know goes there. I am riding in the Shire breed demo. We just found out last week and poor Quinn is so not in shape. He has such a long mane that we finally untangled and now he looks like Fabio. I, however, call him Fattio. He’s a good boy. So different than Seamus, where he’d rather stand there and not move. He hasn't been in full work for a while and first time sitting on him, we had no fireworks. So we have about 3 weeks to get them in shape for New England to see. We won&#