Kat's Health Journey

I am in New York for a few days seeing two of my favorite people in their broadway shows. But this is also the first time I am completely out of my comfort zone in terms of my new diet. I am unable to carry string cheese around just in case I get hungry, don't have my low carb pasta and will have to rely mostly on salads and lean protein. I've packed apples, carrot sticks, and packets of peanut butter but other than that, I'm floating solo. I am currently sitting in the   Imperial theater   waiting for the show to start, but I decided to stage door beforehand and wasn't able to find a place with lunch before heading to the show. The usual hole in the wall pizza joint I've relied heavily on in the past is out of the question, so I ended up getting a package of peanuts and a Diet Coke for my lunch at the bar of the theater. It'll do the trick to stem hunger until after the show at least. Of course my hotel is connected to a place literally called Sugar Factory. Ne

I've been caring for multiple barns lately, so time for writing has been limited. Sorry about that! Yesterday, I decided to do a bit of an experiment. Since one slice of whole wheat bread is 12g of carbs, I wanted to see if I could have bread without completely falling off the wagon. When I had it, I thought it was fine, but I definitely learned that I have to refrain from bread a little while longer before weaning it back into my diet. I instantly started craving Dunkin' Donuts munchkins. I started bargaining with myself that just one munchkin wouldn't be too many carbs. But I knew that I was going down a slippery slope. For now, bread is going to stay out of my diet. Mentally, my health has been ok. Not great, not the worst I've had to deal with. I've kept my bottle of Xanax on me just in case it gets bad. It is basically a security blanket at this point. The good news is Seamus was adjusted by a chiropractor today and he will hopefully be back in shape for ri

There is something about mutuality that helps even when you don't think you need it. The camaraderie from peers and friends metaphorically patting me on the back, egging me on, asking me questions about how I am doing it feels good. Friends who I didn't even know started this journey are reaching out and giving me tips and overall encouragement. It is starting to feel like a little community of people coming out of the woodworks who are all in it together, even if we are completely separate. My anxiety/dissociation was about as expected today. I stayed dormant throughout most of it, watching The Amazing Race on my laptop and sleeping until I had to go walk a dog. I am fine when I don't think too much. That is what I am trying to do; try not to overthink or remind myself that I feel strange. Distraction is my best friend right now until it subsides. When I am submersed in an activity, like doing a stall or taking care of the horses, those moments when I can't be distr

 Bear with me, folks. This one might get a little long. *Also quick note before we start. I have been evaluated and diagnosed by trained professionals. I have been in therapy on and off since young adolescence, and am medicated for my anxiety. Sometimes, despite what you do, anxiety still finds a way in. Some of you may not know this, but my anxiety manifests in strange ways. It makes me feel something called Dissociation, broken down into 2 subcategories: Derealization, and/or Depersonalization. What that means is basically that my brain starts to question my own existence. It becomes weird that I have a face; that I exist in a world other than in my own thoughts; that other people can see and hear me and even have their OWN world. It doesn't necessarily sound super scary, but when you can't escape it, trust me when I say it feels like one big nightmare that I can't wake up from. This is a self-destructive mess for me, and has been since I was 13 years old. It ebbs and

Last night, I shared my blog with Facebook. It was a ballsy move, as I was essentially opening up my inner thoughts to most people I knew and possibly some I have never met. However, the reception I got was heartwarming and welcoming to the core. For everyone who reached out to me, I really appreciate it. Some of you shared your stories and similar experiences to me. Apparently, my heightened hypochondria/anxiety/depression is a common side effect. Recently, I have been waking up with dread in my chest. There is absolutely no reason for this, just my anxiety. To say the least, it's a shitty feeling. I am hoping it'll pass eventually. My dad gave me some fresh peaches so I sliced one and put it in my yogurt for breakfast. He came down and we had lunch at the local diner. I had an omelette with sausage, cheddar, peppers, onions, and broccoli. It was filling and good. I need to find a protein powder that doesn't have too much of a taste and that doesn't feel like cha

I want a greasy pizza, a couple of cupcakes, and a few Xanax. Today was weigh-in day. I am lucky enough to have my barn owner (let's refer to her as M) on a very similar diet and who also likes having a partner to hold accountable. We decided to have Tuesday be our official weigh-in day, share goals, etc. This first week, I am down 5.8lbs. I am sure most of that is water weight, and it surely has been a long week, but I am slowly getting into the swing of things. My anxiety is manifesting mostly in hypochondria. If anyone has never experienced it, it is almost a mixture of anxiety and OCD behavior where you obsess over something probably minuscule relating to your health/body. Even if the rational side of me knows that it's probably nothing, my anxiety/hypochondriac side says it is something terribly wrong. Today, my hypochondria took me to get an optometric exam to make sure that these sun blobs I was seeing were normal. They apparently were, as nothing is wrong with my ey

Today started with another cup of plain Greek yogurt, strawberries, and one half a of banana. That filled me up for a few hours, and now I am snacking on some string cheese and pepperoni. I am slowly learning which snacks to grab and which to avoid unless I really feel it is necessary. For example, I love my fruit, but don't want to load up on sugars, even accidentally, and go over my carb/sugar intake limit. I have decided to seek out help from a professional, and am waiting to hear back from the dietitian. Along with that, I am calling the endocrine doctor to clear up some general questions I have. I am not sure whether or not to count total carbs or net carbs. Do I add up the sugar and carb amount? Should I count them separately? Overall, I am feeling much more normal. No headaches or obvious withdrawal symptoms. I think the biggest obstacle I am facing, other than just trying to do it right, is the upped anxiety levels. I am not supposed to weigh myself more than once a w

Today was interesting. I had the same breakfast as yesterday: a cup of plain yogurt, a little agave, strawberries, and nuts. It did a fine job of getting me through barn chores. I came hope mid-morning, had an apple with peanut butter and a couple of slices of cheese. Then I slept. A lot. (Don't judge.) This evening,  it was my mom's birthday party. So I went to their house and was greeted by my aunt and uncle, grandma, and parents. We talked about life for a little while, the reasonings behind why I decided to go low-carb/high fat, and school. My mom and I had a good talk in the car on the way to get the food from this barbecue place in town. It was nice to talk to someone who knows the struggles of having to say no to foods you really want. She has been recently successful in losing weight and being healthier, so hearing that she agrees with what I am doing felt good. She also helped me feel a little better about an incident involving someone trying to talk me into a differ

Well, shit (excuse my language). I think that Gatorade did more than just ruin my blood sugar levels. I am now relaxed on my Xanax from a hypochondria attack earlier in the night, and am craving sugar. Like, more than I have in days. I am worried that the med has lowered my guard enough that I will give in. Problem is, I am still kind of hungry. To eat something on par with my diet at 10:40PM or go to bed hungry. Haven't decided yet.

I have been drinking Gatorade because my electrolytes have been super low. What I didn't realize was that one of the bottles I grabbed was full sugar and carbs. It scared me into thinking that I have to start the detox all over again. For a while, I was freaking out a bit. I really don't want to have to deal with those headaches and overall crummy feeling again. It still is possible that I am starting at square one again, but I have to keep a positive outlook and continue on. To try to help flush the sugars out, I drank a lot of water and went to the gym. It was only a walk for 35 minutes, but considering my recent energy levels and that I had already done 2 barns that day, it went smoothly. I grabbed a Subway salad for a quick and easy dinner. On my way home, I saw a couple of blobs that you see when you look at a light for a few seconds, but it wasn't going away. Of course, I freaked out (still am freaking out) because I, along with both of my sisters, am a super hypochon

For most of my life, I have been overweight. But when I reached my 20's, it spiked. I am now considered morbidly obese. It is scary, that word "morbid". I see myself spiraling but my addiction to sugar and carbs was more important than my heath. It ruled my life. I felt out of control although I am 100% capable of fixing it. I chose to be the victim of my health issues. Every morning, I would roll out of bed, needing my sugar fix. 5 days ago, I went to an endocrine doctor. Along with my weight issues, I was pre-diabetic, and I believe I have PCOS, or Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have skin tags, sweat a lot, have a low metabolism, am predisposed to depression, and without going into too much detail, I have irregular periods. Part of me was hoping that this doctor could give me a miracle fix. In a way, she did. She explained to me the roles of my blood sugar, what causes my addiction to sugar and carbs, and offered to prescribe me a medication called Metformin. It basic