Kat's Health Journey

I am missing Rocket a lot lately. I might seem like a horrible, insensitive horse owner/person, but I ignored my responsibility of picking up his ashes. I have always been freaked out by death and everything related to it, even when it involves a loved one. I asked my mom to handle it a couple months after his death and to ask them if they could mail them. The thought of driving to Tufts, picking them up alone, and having his ashes in my car honestly scared me. Recently, Tufts contacted me. I had thought my mom had done it, she had thought I had done it, when in reality neither of us had.  I felt really shitty. Anyone who knows me must know how much this horse meant and still means to me. We made arrangements for his ashes to be sent to my parents' house, where they will keep them safe until I decide what exactly to do with them. I have never understood the fact that people are comforted by ashes so I didn't really want them in an urn, and I already have his mane and tail for

SUNDAY I chose a salad today. It doesn’t sound like much, but I really wanted something sugary and/or full of carbs, but I didn’t do it. To satisfy my sweet tooth, I ended up getting apple slices and that definitely helped. I don’t know if I mentioned this in my previous post, but I am hoping to make it to the 100s by March 18. My family is going on a cruise and every time I have a vacation, I always say to myself beforehand that I will take that opportunity to use it as motivation. It has never worked in the past and the last time I went on vacation, I was 242 pounds. I didn’t like being in photos because, truth be told, I was (and still am to an extent) afraid to see just how big I was. Shorts didn’t really fit me unless I wanted to bump up even another size. That would put me at a size 20 and felt like losing to me. It was like a whole other level of shame. I was in denial. So mostly, I wore leggings or yoga pants. I hated taking my outer clothes off to go swimming because my