Kat's Health Journey

Tuesday Oh, salad. I feel like my horse when I eat one. I went to a place for lunch where it was my only viable option. I wanted pasta and onion rings but I am currently eating a chicken Caesar salad. It is something 2 months ago I wouldn't have done. Now that I'm eating it, it's not half bad. The satisfaction of knowing I made the healthy choice outweighs the temporary satisfaction then the guilt that would set in if I had gone for something high carb.   Today , health won out over my cravings. It is a small accomplishment and a one time deal, but it gave me just a smidgen of a confidence boost.  Wednesday It was my first day of classes   today . I also am taking chemistry for the first time. I've managed to avoid it for so long but now I can't. First class was...interesting? The teacher is a middle aged man from I believe he said either Sweden or Denmark. He's very nice and really funny. I can tell we are going to get off track a lot in lecture. I'm st...

About 15 minutes ago, I broke down and licked the bottom of some birthday candles that were in a chocolate cake. I'm now feeling guilty. Is this the start of an eating disorder (it's not), or is it just me being more mindful of refined sugars? I think if I wasn't at a standstill in terms of weight loss, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Well, maybe I would have, but wouldn't have dwelled on it. But now I'm afraid that every little slip will mean disappointment. I actually considered getting Dairy Queen   tonight . I know that's not a huge deal, but it could be just a big enough slip that will make me go overboard.  That is what it truly is: fear. Not eating disorder, but the fear that if I didn't have the willpower to stay away, then what regression will happen next?  Tonight   was my grandma's 92nd birthday and I stopped by for dinner to celebrate. I had a quarter of some potato and actually didn't feel guilty for it. Potato is one of thos...

Tonight is going to be kind of a mix between my health life and my horse life. I guess, in a way, it is one and the same. Last night, my spine was really hurting. Not only my actual spine, but all of the muscles of my back. It was at the point where I was YouTube searching how to crack my own back. (It didn't work.) I had some KT tape laying around, so I put 4 strips,  one on either side of my spine from my neck down to my SI joints. I was pleasantly surprised at how much better that made it, and it helped throughout the day. But the placement was a little shotty and there were a few ripples in it because, let me tell you, it's hard to place tape behind your back no your own shoulder blades. They started peeling off after the shower, so I have to do it again tonight. You place the Kinesiology tape by stretching out whatever part of the body you need the tape on, i.e., ankle, calf, spine, etc. so that when you're in neutral position, the tape will coil back to its original...

Yesterday , I was at the diner I frequent for lunch. I decided to get this egg and cheese scrambler, which is scrambled egg, cheddar, sausage, peppers, onions, and broccoli in a wrap. It usually comes with potatoes but I got it with apple slices. The guy that served it to me said, "Ah, we are going healthy   today , eh?" He didn't mean anything negative about this. But it's funny because this meal is now quite unhealthy in my life. A month and a half ago, I probably would have had a similar reaction to his, but now I know I must be careful about processed carbs. I weighed in   this morning . I am 230lb exactly. This means I'm down 0.2lb this week. I guess it's better than gaining, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I am hoping it is just my upcoming period that is making me retain water. But I also know I could be eating cleaner. So that is my goal this week: eat healthier.  I forgot to finish the blog yesterday (Thursday) so this wi...

I currently have the slightest case of tinnitus (ringing in the ear). It's so faint that I wasn't sure if I was imagining it. It's super high pitched and happens in sporadic bursts. Even though cognitively, I know this is benign, my anxiety mind takes anything abnormal and runs with it, so I am feeling the tightening of the chest and hyperawareness coming on. My sisters are at a concert and can't distract me by FaceTiming, so I am distracting myself by writing this post! I've gotten pretty good at making the low carb bread. The first batch was pretty good (any "bread" would be decent when you haven't been allowed more than a slice a week for a month and a half) but was a little too dense and needed more flavor. The second batch, made 2 days ago, was a bit better but still a little dense and didn't taste like Michelle's. So tonight, I baked it for even less time and mixed it less too. It's too early to really be able to tell since they...

One quick note relating to last night's post, then I'll get back to the scheduled programming ;-)  I am so glad that the anti-protesters that showed up overshadowed the hate rally that was taking place in Boston. From what I hear, it was a peaceful protest. Of course there will always be bad eggs even on the side fighting for equality, but the fact that there were thousands upon thousands of people who virtually mobbed the streets of Boston fighting for the rights of our brothers and sisters is comforting. There just might be hope if we can keep this momentum up. I have my sign ready to go for tomorrow. I am going to leave it in Times Square before leaving to go back home.  Ok, back to the regular blog content. I just ate a regular vanilla yogurt because I am on a train and didn't think to bring anything else. For lunch I had an omelette and didn't not order the toast. So I had probably the equivalent of a piece and a half of whole wheat toast. I also added a littl...

This post will be a little different. It will contain some politics and world events. If that makes you uncomfortable, I'd suggest skipping this entry. This might make you uncomfortable. It should. This shit's real. This week, our country got real scary, real fast. Not only the fact that there are people who want to literally abolish all races and religions that they don't identify with, but that so many people seem to be blaming those people who were trying to DEFEND others from harm. Sure, people can 'have their own opinion' but when it involves being a Nazi, I draw the line. At the moment, I am both thankful and ashamed for being a white American. Thankful that people aren't protesting for my right to live , but ashamed that biologically I am the same race as those people. I find myself looking into the eyes of people of different colors in restaurants and wishing I could take their hands in mine and apologize for the fact that they are being threatened f...

Today was weigh-in. My official weight for this week is 230.2. I wish it was lower, but it's the effect of not working quite as hard on making good choices. My biggest issue right now is still trying to figure out quick, simple meals I can grab on the go. Realistically, I get home at 9:30 at night. I don't feel like spending more than 10 minutes with prep work. I also am picky about a lot of meat, because I grew up with one vegan sister, and one vegetarian sister. Realistically, I know low-carb would be very difficult if I cut meat out, but there is still this sense of guilt whenever I have some meat. I am grossed out by fish, which is very unfortunate because that would be an awesome source of protein and other vitamins for me, but I am not about to force myself to try something I don't want to. It's simply not worth it. I don't like touching raw meat either, so it's a bit of a struggle there. The good news is I finally made low-carb bread. It is something ...

 I'm  still weighing myself too often. It's interesting to me to see how my weight fluctuates all from the scale and from time of day to time of night. I've decided that in order to be  honest and to give everyone more of a sense of where I started from to where I am now, I will share my actual weight. This is hard for me because it's actually one of my deepest secrets, as most fat girls would sympathize with. My starting weight was, drumroll please, 242 pounds. It's painful to write, and I am honestly a little timid about sharing this and knowing that people will probably judge me for riding my horse when I was that heavy.   This morning , although it's not my official weigh-in day anymore and it was not the correct time, I am 228.2 pounds. One of my main reasons for even trying to be healthier is so that I don't have to worry about hurting my horse. For anyone who has experienced what it feels like to not know whether or not you're too heavy for your o...

To say this week hasn't gone as expected is kind of an understatement. I knew I would be busy, but  I didn't know how little motivation I would have or how it would cause me to go off the rails a little bit, diet-wise. I didn't write much this week, so I am combining it into one post. Tuesday I want cake. And ice cream. And more carbs. And more sugar. It's been a while since I've updated. Sorry about that! I've just been lazy. I will say that I am officially down 10lb. It's kind of a miracle since I wasn't eating all that healthy this week. I mean, I have been sticking to 100g (kinda) or less carbs a day, but I have been eating bad types of fats and am definitely consuming too much sugar, even if it is in 'good' forms. I'm not sure if it's because of this, but I have started breaking out on my face, which is abnormal for me (luckily). If this continues, I will have to really think about cutting down my saturated fats more thoroughly....

I am starting to weigh myself too much. It is not as much as an obsessive thing as it is curiosity to see how my weight fluctuates at all hours. I find that I am my lightest around noon, heaviest late at night. I need to make sure that this doesn't get obsessive about my weight, and I am hoping that once the weight loss has slowed down a little and become a regular phenomenon, it will not be as much of a fascination.  This week is going to be crazy. Like, really freaking nuts. It's GISHWHES (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen) this week, so I am officially running around trying to complete super weird tasks. It is an event that has been going on every August for 7 years, I believe. It raises money and awareness for Random Acts of Kindness. This is my 5th year, and every year ends up with the same hectic and excited energy. Along with the Hunt, I work at 3 barns, take care of 2 dogs, have a dentist appointment, saddle fitter appointment, I pet sit ...

As of 10 this morning, I am down 7.8lb. It has been 16 days since I've started this journey. Well, the truth is, I have started this journey a long time ago. It is just 16 days ago that I have become serious about it. The way I see it, I have been stuck in seemingly one spot for years, saying I want to take a step forward. I am so far from my goal that instead of doing something about it, namely taking one baby step forward, I sit in a ball, complaining that life is unfair and I will never get to my destination. But a few weeks ago, a light went off in my brain. I am fully capable of taking that step. Then, I can take another. And another. Sometimes, I might stumble backwards, but I have 2 choices when that happens: say that it's not worth it, curl up in a ball again and come to the conclusion that I am incapable of moving forward again, or I can take it in stride, dust myself off, and continue on. I hear a lot that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon. I actually disagree...

The past few days have been difficult in terms of staying on track of the diet. I did splurge a little bit, and had a couple of pieces of whole wheat toast with breakfast, quinoa, and some trail mix when I wasn't able to have lunch yesterday. I also did have like 1/3 cup of granola in a yogurt parfait at breakfast this morning. It was rough trying to find a filling breakfast that wasn't 50+ g of carbs. I was excited to get some sort of protein shake from Jamba Juice, but I couldn't find anything. When I did have a piece of toast, I definitely felt the effects of consuming carbs in a more complex form. It sends messages of cravings to my brain and makes me really want sugar. And carbs. And more sugars. Today was supposed to be my weigh-in morning, but since I am currently on a train home, there's no way for me to get home in time to accurately get a weight. I will be doing the weigh-in tomorrow morning instead. I am hoping that this deviation from the normal diet did...