Cravings are a bitch, ok?
About 15 minutes ago, I broke down and licked the bottom of some birthday candles that were in a chocolate cake. I'm now feeling guilty. Is this the start of an eating disorder (it's not), or is it just me being more mindful of refined sugars? I think if I wasn't at a standstill in terms of weight loss, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Well, maybe I would have, but wouldn't have dwelled on it. But now I'm afraid that every little slip will mean disappointment. I actually considered getting Dairy Queen tonight. I know that's not a huge deal, but it could be just a big enough slip that will make me go overboard. That is what it truly is: fear. Not eating disorder, but the fear that if I didn't have the willpower to stay away, then what regression will happen next? Tonight was my grandma's 92nd birthday and I stopped by for dinner to celebrate. I had a quarter of some potato and actually didn't feel guilty for it. Potato is one of those foods that is good, yes, but I am not craving it. I can stop myself from sticking my whole face in it and devouring it all. I think there's a fine line between being mindful of what I put in my body and being obsessive. Don't worry, I'm eating plenty, and don't have an eating disorder, nor am I on the verge of one. It is just interesting to me to see how differently I am reacting to a lick of frosting.
I think part of the reason that I feel like this is because I am on my period. It just makes me feel gross overall and my cravings are a lot harder to tamper down. It's getting kind of exhausting constantly fighting these cravings. I just wish I could be like everyone else and feel indifferent towards baked goods, but when I'm in the same room as them, it's definitely a struggle. People tell me that the cravings will pass, but it is a month and a half in and they are still just as bad. I'm excited to talk to the dietitian because I need to figure out other ways to continue to eat healthy, lose weight, and live my life without feeling like I need blinders between my trigger foods and me.
It is now a few hours later and I have had time to both mentally and physically digest. This is a rollercoaster of a journey, and I know that I just need to get through the rough patches and not quit. I am sorry for the melodramatic post; I blame the Red Tide. It is hard to not feel down on yourself when it is SO difficult to say no to cravings. It wasn't the actual act of having a minuscule amount of refined sugars. It is the fact that I broke down and did it when I have been resolved to the fact that I shouldn't have any in case it spurs on something I can't control. I gave in, and that scares me a little. But instead of focusing on the negative, I have decided to talk about accomplishments of the week, even if they don't seem like much.
I think part of the reason that I feel like this is because I am on my period. It just makes me feel gross overall and my cravings are a lot harder to tamper down. It's getting kind of exhausting constantly fighting these cravings. I just wish I could be like everyone else and feel indifferent towards baked goods, but when I'm in the same room as them, it's definitely a struggle. People tell me that the cravings will pass, but it is a month and a half in and they are still just as bad. I'm excited to talk to the dietitian because I need to figure out other ways to continue to eat healthy, lose weight, and live my life without feeling like I need blinders between my trigger foods and me.
It is now a few hours later and I have had time to both mentally and physically digest. This is a rollercoaster of a journey, and I know that I just need to get through the rough patches and not quit. I am sorry for the melodramatic post; I blame the Red Tide. It is hard to not feel down on yourself when it is SO difficult to say no to cravings. It wasn't the actual act of having a minuscule amount of refined sugars. It is the fact that I broke down and did it when I have been resolved to the fact that I shouldn't have any in case it spurs on something I can't control. I gave in, and that scares me a little. But instead of focusing on the negative, I have decided to talk about accomplishments of the week, even if they don't seem like much.
- Tonight, I could have had a slice of cake, but I didn't. Yes, I licked less than a tablespoon of frosting, but I didn't have a piece. I did allow myself to have some twice baked potato. It was good, and no guilt was associated with it. I looked up the carb count ahead of time, and it was something I could live with.
- I have walked past every baked good in the store. There were cookies for sale at the grocery store. The iced kind that are so good. I longed for them but continued on to the produce section.
- At Dunkin' tonight, I saw that they were selling pumpkin donuts now. Ohhhh boy, I wanted one, but I held strong and got this egg wrap instead. It still contained white flour, but it was 14g of carbs instead of 30-something for the donut.
- I had a small container of chili and some seaweed salad for lunch today. It was good, and my serving sizes were actually for one person (ha).
- I knew I'd have to handle breakfast tomorrow morning differently, since I am pet sitting at someone else's house. I brought yogurt, a nectarine, a peach, and almonds to make my normal breakfast.
- I got frustrated, and instead of throwing in the proverbial towel, I am writing this post. I am getting it out there, and am trying not to let it fall too heavily on my shoulders. I am slightly overwhelmed right now with the cravings and the plateauing, but I will keep going.
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