Is Xanax a carb? ;-)
I want a greasy pizza, a couple of cupcakes, and a few Xanax.
Today was weigh-in day. I am lucky enough to have my barn owner (let's refer to her as M) on a very similar diet and who also likes having a partner to hold accountable. We decided to have Tuesday be our official weigh-in day, share goals, etc. This first week, I am down 5.8lbs. I am sure most of that is water weight, and it surely has been a long week, but I am slowly getting into the swing of things.
My anxiety is manifesting mostly in hypochondria. If anyone has never experienced it, it is almost a mixture of anxiety and OCD behavior where you obsess over something probably minuscule relating to your health/body. Even if the rational side of me knows that it's probably nothing, my anxiety/hypochondriac side says it is something terribly wrong. Today, my hypochondria took me to get an optometric exam to make sure that these sun blobs I was seeing were normal. They apparently were, as nothing is wrong with my eyes. (Although now that my eyes are ruled as being fine, I am now suspecting a brain abnormality, of course). But in doing so, I had to get some dilation drops. 9 hours later, my vision was back but one pupil was bigger than the other. At least for me, when I think of sluggish or uneven pupils, I associate it with something really bad. Even with reassurance from my mom, dad, and sister that it was normal, I was still obsessively checking in the mirror. My anxiety caused me to miss a cool dog diving training session that a friend invited me to last week. I also didn't go to the barn today. I instead laid in bed and tried to get a handle of myself. My eyes are now back to normal, thankfully.
I was fairly good today in terms of eating. I didn't track as well as I should have and I definitely snacked/grazed. Everything was low-carb, but even a lot of low-carb items add up if you're not careful.
Breakfast was what is becoming my usual: 1 cup of plain yogurt, a squeeze of agave nectar, and strawberries. I also found these mini Kind bars that are less than 10g of carbs apiece which is super helpful for when I am feeling at any way deprived. Lunch was a little bit of leftover Mac and cheese that my mom made for me a few days ago. I did find out that the 'low-carb' pasta still has a lot of carbs. They are healthier carbs and packed with fiber and protein, but if I am not careful, it could end up being half of my total carbs for the day. Portion size is still an issue with me. I got a salad while I was doing errands, but only picked at it, as there was barely any dressing on it. By 10 or so, I was hungry again and really craving some white bread or pure carbs. I compromised by having half a banana, peanut butter, and a sliced apple.
**I am prescribed Xanax and take it responsibly.
Today was weigh-in day. I am lucky enough to have my barn owner (let's refer to her as M) on a very similar diet and who also likes having a partner to hold accountable. We decided to have Tuesday be our official weigh-in day, share goals, etc. This first week, I am down 5.8lbs. I am sure most of that is water weight, and it surely has been a long week, but I am slowly getting into the swing of things.
My anxiety is manifesting mostly in hypochondria. If anyone has never experienced it, it is almost a mixture of anxiety and OCD behavior where you obsess over something probably minuscule relating to your health/body. Even if the rational side of me knows that it's probably nothing, my anxiety/hypochondriac side says it is something terribly wrong. Today, my hypochondria took me to get an optometric exam to make sure that these sun blobs I was seeing were normal. They apparently were, as nothing is wrong with my eyes. (Although now that my eyes are ruled as being fine, I am now suspecting a brain abnormality, of course). But in doing so, I had to get some dilation drops. 9 hours later, my vision was back but one pupil was bigger than the other. At least for me, when I think of sluggish or uneven pupils, I associate it with something really bad. Even with reassurance from my mom, dad, and sister that it was normal, I was still obsessively checking in the mirror. My anxiety caused me to miss a cool dog diving training session that a friend invited me to last week. I also didn't go to the barn today. I instead laid in bed and tried to get a handle of myself. My eyes are now back to normal, thankfully.
I was fairly good today in terms of eating. I didn't track as well as I should have and I definitely snacked/grazed. Everything was low-carb, but even a lot of low-carb items add up if you're not careful.
Breakfast was what is becoming my usual: 1 cup of plain yogurt, a squeeze of agave nectar, and strawberries. I also found these mini Kind bars that are less than 10g of carbs apiece which is super helpful for when I am feeling at any way deprived. Lunch was a little bit of leftover Mac and cheese that my mom made for me a few days ago. I did find out that the 'low-carb' pasta still has a lot of carbs. They are healthier carbs and packed with fiber and protein, but if I am not careful, it could end up being half of my total carbs for the day. Portion size is still an issue with me. I got a salad while I was doing errands, but only picked at it, as there was barely any dressing on it. By 10 or so, I was hungry again and really craving some white bread or pure carbs. I compromised by having half a banana, peanut butter, and a sliced apple.
**I am prescribed Xanax and take it responsibly.
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