Anxiety makes the stomach grow smaller (shrink is the word I'm looking for)

There is something about mutuality that helps even when you don't think you need it. The camaraderie from peers and friends metaphorically patting me on the back, egging me on, asking me questions about how I am doing it feels good. Friends who I didn't even know started this journey are reaching out and giving me tips and overall encouragement. It is starting to feel like a little community of people coming out of the woodworks who are all in it together, even if we are completely separate.

My anxiety/dissociation was about as expected today. I stayed dormant throughout most of it, watching The Amazing Race on my laptop and sleeping until I had to go walk a dog. I am fine when I don't think too much. That is what I am trying to do; try not to overthink or remind myself that I feel strange. Distraction is my best friend right now until it subsides. When I am submersed in an activity, like doing a stall or taking care of the horses, those moments when I can't be distracted, are the time that my subconscious takes over and I forget about feeling strange. It is not a full-on dissociative episode, and I am hoping for it to stay that way. Yes, I just knocked on wood. But it is a seed of thought in my head of how strange it feels; sometimes it is screaming at me, other times it is a whisper. It reminds me of how a friend described her suicidal thoughts. (I am not in any way suicidal, but those whispers in the back of my head are similar to what she has said it is like.) I did what was expected of me today; no more, no less. I did my job, skipped going to see Seamus so I can be home and with the distraction powers of my laptop. Not my finest moment, but I did what I had to do.

Eating-wise today, I was clean. If anything, I was under my goal of 100g. I don't know whether it was my anxiety or not, but usually when I have these episodes, it leans more towards overeating since my mind is seemingly not connected to a physical body. Even though I am having these fairly persistent thoughts, I still know the diet plan and am thankfully sticking to it. As of now, it feels almost like a recovering addict, afraid if I am exposed to any of 'the good stuff', I will take it and run. Today, I could have actually had bread, or chocolate, or something to bump up my carbs. Instead, I am satisfied with the amount I ate tonight at dinner and am leaving it at that. Because it is my fear that if I have a slice of bread, or a bite of a tortilla that is still in my cupboard (it has 11g of carbs, but it is white, refined carbs) that I will test the waters more until I fall completely off the edge.

Breakfast:
1 cup whole fat yogurt: 11g carbs
1/2 cup strawberries: 3g net carbs
Handful of almonds: 2g net caebs

Snack:
Whole fat string cheese: 0g carbs

Lunch:
Subway salad: 7g net carbs
(lettuce, spinach, green peppers, cucumbers, oven roasted chicken breast, Chipotle Southwest sauce)

Dinner:
Leftover Banzo mac and cheese with 3 strips of bacon: Unsure, since I can't measure the cooked pasta covered with cheese correctly. My best guess is about 30g net carbs.